When I was in the seventh grade I was studying for confirmation. I found it to be annoying and difficult having already been subjected to the rite of confirmation immediately after being baptized as an Eastern Catholic. The nuns, lay teachers, and even priests didn’t understand my eastern rite and this caused me grief and confusion. Now compound that with being a teenager and you get a taste of what was swirling about my brain those years ago.
I remember we had to ask for gifts from the Holy Spirit upon our confirmation. I had no idea what to ask for because I had already been down this path albeit as a newborn. So in sheer frustration, I remember humbly asking for what was titled “The fear of God”. Seems I got that gift in spades.
Fast forward to today, I’ve just finished reading Paulo Coelho’s “The Alchemist” and those feelings of fear, angst, uncertainty, and doubt have all come flooding back. However this time it’s different.
I never thought to tune into why I felt afraid at certain times. Never thought that my actions or at time my inaction all were part of a journey that I needed to undertake to truly understand me. At times I allowed myself to be carried upon the wind, afraid to realize my full potential.
I’ve had a few pointed conversations with people I’ve trusted. I’ve shared with them my hopes, dreams, desires and goals, and even my deepest fears.
My actions and inactions have now come full circle and smacked me in the face.
I can sense that there are several important events that will take place this year. I will reach an important milestone age wise (I’m afraid to turn 40), the love for my family and friends will grow deeper, my interactions with others will be critical, and the path that I am undertaking work wise will be under more scrutiny in the coming year.
And yes, I can say with certainty that I am afraid, but I’m not scared.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that as I’m writing this there is one word on my t-shirt that is reflected in the screen of my notebook. That word is meaningful.
So here’s my public declaration for 2012. Even though I’m afraid, I know that everything that happens this year will be meaningful…
So here’s to the new year of meaning. 2012 will test me as much as it will test you. The question is, will it be meaningful or will you allow yourself to be swept up by the wind?
And just for good measure to hell with the Mayans and their stupid calendar…we all have got a lot to accomplish this year.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Creating meaning is at the heart of everything I want to do with my life. I feel that tough times are not inherently meaningful, but they do place us at a crossroads that allows us to make meaning. Losing a loved one can canker your soul as surely as it can strengthen you – it’s all in how you approach the hardship. Great post.
Exactly! Nicely done my friend. Bring it on 2012!
And you’ll also get this question in your head:
“Can you afford to do that? Now?”
The key, as always, is in the framing.
“Can you afford NOT to?
Have a great year John.